My Journey to Confidence

Welcome and hopefully welcome back to some of you, thank you so much for choosing to read my stream of thoughts, I absolutely love that you’ve taken the time to come to my little corner of the internet!

Confidence has always been an issue for me, I’ve never really felt like I’m good enough, or like I’m as good as my friends at things. I’ve always been fairly average at everything, sport, grades, appearance etc, or at least that’s the way I’ve always seen myself. I’m really trying to challenge the way that my mind works, I’m not sure if anyone else can relate but I’m tired of not feeling good enough, always comparing myself to others. I want to feel empowered by myself, I don’t want to rely on gratification by others, or relying on others for my worth. I want to know my worth, and I want it to ooze out of me in every day and in everything that I do.

The world we live in is so toxic, with Instagram being one of our main sources of social interaction and entertainment. What I’ve come to realise is that Instagram isn’t real. People (myself included) post photos that make their lives seem perfect, it’s a snapshot of a few seconds of their 24 hour day…we see one minute of a good part of their day, when the rest could have been awful. It’s not a true representation of ones day or life at all, we don’t show ourselves after a long day at work, or just out of the shower, we only post the best photos of ourselves and of our lives, choosing the best photo out of many, we’re all guilty of it. Not only that but with social media now being a career, big social media names are all over our screens, posting their heavily airbrushed and edited photos, fuelling our feelings of insecurity. We’re consumed by the false reality projected by Instagram, and we’re consumed by it constantly. We waste so much of our lives on social media, comparing ourselves to others, scrutinising others and generally feeding into negativity. Take a brief moment to go onto your phone settings (iPhone only sorry! their might be an android alternative though) and click on battery, tap on the apps down below and it should show you how many hours you have spent on the apps in the last week or 24 hours…how many hours have you spent on instagram? Mine was 6 hours on instagram, 6 hours of looking at other peoples lives instead of my own, wishing I had certain clothes, a certain figure, a certain lifestlye, 6 hours of anything but loving myself for who I am now and what I have now. Please leave your results down below if you feel like it, I’d be so interested to see!

So many of my close friends tell me I’m so confident, if I say I’m anxious about something they’ll say ‘but you’re so confident!’. Whilst this is meant as a compliment and meant with good intentions, no one else truly knows how confident someone else is. Being confident around friends and family is a completely different ball game, as well as the fact that half the time I’m faking my confidence! This leads me onto my next point, faking it till you make it! Most of the time when I’m around new people or in a stressful situation, I fake feeling confident because it helps put other other people at ease, helps me test myself and develop genuine confidence. Whilst I know that that in itself takes some confidence, I really think that it’s one of the best ways to gain confidence, the best things are learnt and developed outside of your comfort zone. Putting yourself out there, even if you’re terrified, is the best way to combat a lack of self-confidence.

This leads me onto my next point, I truly believe that the best way to become confident in social situations, is to simply put yourself in the social situations. My point about being out of your comfort zone came from myself reading something that said you don’t learn anything in your comfort zone, and I’m really starting to agree with it. A few weeks ago I was due to complete a weeks work experience, I was so anxious about it before…a new place…new people…new work to do…I can’t do it! But I didn’t let those thoughts win, I went, I met the new people and I did the work…I CAN do it! Just a little achievement like that really strengthens your confidence for future similar scenarios. Now I feel so much better about the prospect of completing more work experience in a couple of weeks time, it’s already been done, I did it once and I can do it again. Whilst before I did the work experience, during my feelings of anxiety, the idea of cancelling felt comfortable. Whilst yes, I wouldn’t have got nervous walking into a building and introducing myself to new people, but how does that benefit me in the long run? It would literally have meant that I had a week of feeling like I let the lack of confidence win, and it would have only made me feel more anxious when I did eventually face a similar scenario. Putting off the inevitable is the perfect way to increase the feeling of fear and nervousness…don’t do it! Doing the very thing that you’re afraid of is the best way to allow yourself to realise that it isn’t anything to worry about, meeting new people isn’t that scary, trying a new way of working isn’t that daunting and that you are more able than you think.

I think everyone aims to achieve total satisfaction and contentment with who they are, I think it’s a lot harder to achieve than it’s made out. I’ve started to realise that it sort of comes with age, you mature and begin to realise that you are who you are, whether you like it or not. You start to accept yourself and learn to love yourself. However, I still think things can be done throughout this process, to fasten the process or intensify it. One thing I’m considering implementing into my life is a day or at least an afternoon/morning without my phone/social media. I think the more I do this the longer I will be able to do it for at any given time. Our phones are literal extensions from our hands, they’re with us at all times and go everywhere with us, but what that brings with it is the removal of being in the present moment, instead of enjoying the company of friends or family, you look down at your screen and put yourself back into the world of bragging about how great your life is or where you’re on holiday, what you got for your birthday or how many friends you have. Who cares what everyone else has? What they’re doing or who they’re doing it with? It add’s nothing to your life…put the phone down for a few hours! UPDATE FROM FUTURE MEGAN: It’s almost like the apple update answered my prayers, I’m sat here just proof reading and updating this blog the day after my phone was updated, I can now limit the amount of time I spend on both social media and my phone in general, as well as having a ‘down-time’ on my phone where it limits the use of apps. I will definitely be exploring this new feature and I will let you know how I get on with it, I’m super excited that I can genuinely make down-time away from social media a real habit and I’m excited to see the impact it has on me!

I’m definitely becoming more confident, not because I’ve changed things about myself…quite the opposite. I’ve started to realise that I want to love me for me, without having to change anything! Whilst I could change my style, my face, my hair, would I still carry those little negative thoughts about myself even after I’d changed them? More than likely, I think ‘tackling’ insecurities by changing them doesn’t really deal with the issue and I don’t think it ever really goes away like that either.

In conclusion, whilst I will happily admit that I’m 100% not there yet, I’m on my way and that’s what matters, it’s a slow and steady pace which I am totally fine with. You can’t expect yourself or anyone else to go to wake up one day totally confident, it just doesn’t happen, but like the title states, it’s a journey.

Until next time

Megan

x x