The biggest goal for my life is to be happy. Whilst having money, a nice home, nice holidays and shoes seems rewarding, none of those material things seem worthwhile without the happiness and loving people to enjoy them with. Whether or not you have read one of my latest posts about the loss of my mum and the effects it’s had on me and my confidence, I’ll say that one of the worst effects it had on me was that I often lack confidence in myself and worry about the people around me leaving me. I generally feel like people will find someone better/grow tired of me or just generally leave me, and it’s something I am really trying hard to minimise and hopefully someday, erase completely!
I am very lucky to be in a lot of very happy, mutual loving and respectful relationships with Mat, my dad, my friends and the rest of my family, and I hope that many of you reading are also in similar relationships. But the success of a relationship does not mean that you will never have questionable thoughts or silly doubts and worries. Whilst we should accept that these are human, this blog post is here to tell you that nothing good comes from thinking negatively, worrying or doubting those who do not deserve to be doubted.
Stop doubting. Often doubts and worries are a reflection of the doubter and not the person being (often unfairly) doubted, and this is definitely true in my case. The more I mature the more I realise that life generally is too limited and important to waste worrying and creating issues that are not there. I want everyone to live happily, whether that’s being on your own or with someone else, all of the self-help topics I will be talking about are relevant to all people! It’s always a positive thing to practice self-love and self-appreciation. It’s easy to get caught up in the self-deprecating society that we live in, where we all feel the pressure to abide by beauty standards, to attain certain wealth and other insignificant things to achieve ‘worth’. I want to challenge these socially constructed ideas and requirements, to tell you that your happiness should not come from external influences. You can feel gratification and fulfilment from inside! Controlling your thoughts and rational, to make you the best person you can possibly be, this I truly believe will lead to positive experiences and positive people to enjoy them with.
Confidence is something that we often all struggle with. Focussing on failures instead of successes, remembering the one time you failed over the ten times you succeeded. Failure does not determine your abilities or your future success’, it’s merely a bump in the road to enable you to learn or improve. Confidence needs to come from within, something that I recently realised and have been trying to implement into my life. I realised that no amount of flattering or reassurance will give me the inner confidence I desire. No one but myself can give me true confidence and whilst others can try to help, I am the only one in control of achieving this. I need to know within myself that I am worthy of happiness, love and success, and no one else can teach me but myself. Knowing your worth is imperative to happiness, it will support you in times of failure, heartbreak, ill-treatment and conflict, relying on social media likes for your worth will never suffice to do this for you.
Trust is so important. Whether it’s a friendship or relationship, trust those who have never given you reason not to. Stop doubting people and assuming they will let you down, this will never bring you happiness. Whilst it may seem scary to trust people completely, or you’ve had experiences that lead you to distrust others, this is unfair to the honest and trustworthy person and it does them a disservice. I think that generally we are pessimistic in nature, when things are going right we tend to look for something to be going wrong, assuming that things can’t actually be going well. Let me tell you that often we create problems that aren’t there, we look for the bad instead of living in the present and enjoying the people and experiences we have been given. Accept that they’re honest, accept that they’re trustworthy, accept that they’re different from anyone else you’ve ever met. Treat them the way they deserve and this will enhance the relationship or friendship, you’ll develop a closer connection whilst slowly combatting your fears of being let down.
Forgiving. We all make mistakes; we all do things we shouldn’t or don’t mean. Bare this in mind when someone lets you down, decide for yourself rationally whether the mistake is genuinely a reflection of them as a person or whether it’s a reflection of their human nature. I honestly believe that 99% of people never do anything that they think is a bad idea or that they think will harm others. Take the time to try and understand someone’s reasoning, we’re all different and we all make different decisions for different reasons. Instead of being angry with someone and shutting them away from you, give them another chance, life is too short to hold grudges and as I said earlier, focus on all the positive things they have done for or with you, don’t hold onto the one mistake they make.
Think positive, act positive. I genuinely believe in the law of attraction. When I am positive to others, I receive it. Make the conscious decision to be nice to others, you have no idea how much they might appreciate a little message of appreciation, or picking up their favourite chocolate bar after a rough day (thanks Eva and Maria). Whilst sometimes it might be hard to choose positivity over negativity, you might have had a rubbish day at work or Uni, just remember that only you are in control of how you feel, you have the ability to take a positive outlook on things and you can choose happiness over sadness. Last week I got into a funk over irrelevant things, I found myself sinking into self-pity and sadness. I realised my ability to be positive after watching one of my favourite YouTubers, MIKA FRANCIS (if you don’t know, GET to know) who appeared to be going through something similar. I chose happiness over sadness, positivity over negativity, I remedied myself and not only was this great for generally bringing my happiness, but I was so proud of myself for asserting this self-control and this only enhanced my happiness more!
Finally, I want to finish with the concluding thought and advice that, failure is normal and you can decide to see it as a positive and constructive experience. Confidence is necessary, how can we expect others to believe in us if we cannot believe in ourselves. Positivity attracts positivity, be what you want from others! Be nice to people, we’re all on our own journeys and we all need love and support from others, make the first move, send your parents a message, you never lose anything from being nice. Remember that some friends will come and go, but to not dwell on these, take them as lessens and realise that they weren’t proper friends to begin with and instead take this as a blessing in disguise. No one is perfect, no one will give you all that you need and want all the time, we fail, we make mistakes, but this does not often come from a bad place. Accepting that we are human and all have lessons to learn, irrespective of age, will allow you to be more understanding and accepting of others. We’re all works in progress, I know I certainly am, but I’m trying, and that’s what’s important.
N.B. obviously I entirely appreciate that irrespective of some things that have happened, I am an incredibly fortunate person and that the difficulties I experience are very different to those not as fortunate. However, this blog post was just to allow other people who are also incredibly fortunate but that also like me, find themselves taken over by easily solved problems.
Until next time,